2019 A Year of Preparation - Sitting on Empty


If your life has been torn asunder and you aren’t sure of what’s next, you are right where you need to be. 2019 and the years preceding it has been hell on wheels for many lightworkers or those choosing to ascend.

I believe I speak for many on a spiritual path that the last several months and years have not been easy to endure. In preparation of 2020, 2019 is the last push to finally let go and release all that doesn’t serve us. All that we cannot take with us on our latest journeys, all that would hold us to the old paradigm has to dissolve. Whether you do it or the Universe does it for you, you will find yourself having to sit empty at some period this year.

In fact, waiting for the new to be birthed is where many of us find ourselves at this moment. We are still in a Mercury retrograde as I write this and heading into April. Sitting in limbo has caused many a sleepless night, but the worry doesn’t help anything to come faster. You just must be patient and wait on divine timing.

My life has significantly changed over the last several years, and I am finding it hard to be around lower vibrational people, work environments and situations. I have kept to myself, cried a lot, looked back a lot, and released a lot. But this next chapter just stumps me.
Having had a successful journalism and communications career, I have struggled to figure out what’s next for me. I have tried several careers on and investigated others including sales, marketing, teaching, nursing. Nothing really seems to appeal.

Life has become a dull ache that can’t be remedied. I know not where I go from here. I am living in my sister’s country home in the middle of Connecticut where people go to disappear. And I have done quite a good job of it. After a flooding incident in Louisiana, I found myself without a home. Here I am after a year of soul searching not knowing still what’s next.

Pondering my fate doesn’t seem to bring answers. Although, I do have one idea that may seem a bit off beat. I am seriously thinking about just buying a small motorized RV and heading down to Florida to live out my life. However, I must build my freelance writing business which has been very hard to do in this economy. It seems everyone with a computer thinks they are writer coupled with the fact that many freelance writing jobs are actually paying 1 to 2 cents per word. That’s fine for students living at home or for a second income, but for a person having to support themselves, it’s downright insulting.

So, I wait for April to commence hoping it brings the much-needed change. I believe this past year many lightworkers have not been able to move forward. The more I change vibrationally, the more the planetary energy seems to affect my life. And according to many astrologers, 2020 is going to be huge for planetary energies lining up.

That means 2019 is a year of preparation for 2020 when many planets will align that have a global effect on systems, society, and life on this planet. In fact, here’s a blog on The Astrology of 2019: Preparing for the New Paradigm.

“The planets are now giving us the chance to break free of our stubborn ruts, addictions, and delusions, and to find momentum after a series of stifling retrogrades, explains Juliana McCarthy, who has been studying Western Astrology for over 20 years. “As we finally move forward, we can call on our discernment to determine where to apply our energy, making sure that all we do resonates with our deepest desires, sanity, and well-being. We’re using the pain of last year as fuel to become wiser, more integrated beings, then building our lives and the world from there.”

That’s why it feels like we are stuck. We are processing and letting go and until we completely purge, jettison and bid adieu to the old. Otherwise, we cannot leave the old paradigm. We are being given a choice. Hold onto the old or let go of all we know to be true about life and jump into the unknown.

For me, it taught me how my dysfunctional childhood kept me from all God wanted me to have. I’ve settled because I didn’t know my worth. I was so starving for love that I would settle for crumbs when I deserved the entire fricken cake.

I won’t settle anymore. I won’t compromise. What I’ve learned this past decade is that we are all evolving as human beings. Those that want to let go of the illusion of what society has drilled into our heads about who we are supposed to be, and those that want to remain in the illusion. It’s all lies, but there are those that will choose the ease of a lie over the truth. For further information about the illusion we live in, read my blog "Awakening In a World Full of Lies."

Television programming is part of the illusion. I stopped watching regular TV programming a decade ago. I never was a big TV watcher, to begin with. I just felt that life was not meant to be a passive experience. I didn’t understand why anyone would sit in front of a screen and watch made up stories about life. I still don’t get it. My 18-year marriage ended because I didn’t want to watch TV 24/7. I wanted more for my life.

And yet these last two decades I’ve searched for the meaning of life, and all I have seen is pain and people being ugly to one another. If you’ve ever seen the movie “The Green Mile” you know what I am talking about. One of the lead characters played by Michael Clark Duncan who is on death row for a crime he didn't commit says “I'm tired, boss. Tired of being on the road, lonely as a sparrow in the rain. I'm tired of never having me a buddy to be with to tell me where we's going to, coming from, or why. Mostly, I'm tired of people being ugly to each other," I can totally relate. We need to start being kinder to one another. We are all going through this ascension together.

And, yes, I’ve run into people who have inspired me too. And honestly, those people are closer to God and have a spiritual practice. They spread God's love wherever they go. I admire them.

Somehow I know I will come out of this funk I find myself in, but it’s been slow going for now. This year will test our mettle. Do we really want to let go and move forward into the unknown or shall we cling to the known even if it doesn’t satisfy us?

The choice is ours. No one can make it for us? Let go of the blame, the unforgiveness, the anger and the bitterness of what was and embrace the undiscovered Universe that awaits us in 2020!

Stay open for miracles. Much love and light!




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