2018 The Year of Saying Goodbye to the Old Paradigms
Soon we will be ushering in a new year but before we do that we must honor and release what no longer serves us. We want to enter 2019 fresh and ready for new beginnings.
And that’s what 2018 has been all about. I haven’t posted a blog in four months because I have been processing all that has gone on during this past year as well as past years, and with so many planets in retrograde the last half of 2018, it was the perfect time to do so.
This year for me has been a year of great transition. In fact, the past few years have been transitional, and with major change comes major stress.
If you look at the top 100 stressful life changes, you will be able to determine how much stress is in your life. Over the last few years, I’ve undergone many on the list, and my score is 553, which indicates I was due for some type of illness or breakdown.
However, I am not the type to breakdown. I externalize my stress. I get angry. Angry at the world. Angry at myself for not knowing better, for not doing better. I even get angry at God and the people in my life.
When you go through so much change over an extended period without let up, it begins to build up in your body. Many internalize this stress and become depressed or ill, others like me externalize it and get angry, which is a healthier alternative. Depression is merely anger turned inward.
Yes, there have been days I have been depressed, but I am a doer. I can’t sit still for very long, and I search for the answers. I am also open to looking deep into the ugly sides of myself which takes courage.
In order to get past the anger, I’ve had to realize that there are valuable life lessons along the rough and winding road I have taken. And that everything, even the bad things, happens for a reason. So, what have I learned?
In my career, I do not like to be a manager of people. That while I enjoy being part of a creative team, I would rather be a sole contributor. I am an introvert, and I must honor the INFP in me. If you haven’t already discovered your Myers Briggs personality type, please Google free Myers Briggs test. It will open your eyes to see how you view the world and how others view you.
In my love life, I was chasing men like my father and brother who totally ignored me as a child. So, what did I do, I found men who I had to chase and convince to love me. Until I woke up and realized the toxic relationship pattern, I would keep repeating it. In part, I must thank my brother for helping me to see this because he had to move in with me after having his own life issues and I saw first hand the toxicity.
I saw that he wasn’t capable of a loving relationship that I deserved from a brother, and I didn’t take that on as my fault anymore. How could a little girl be the cause of all the dysfunction in a family? They aren’t. I realized that I was lovable and deserved better than I had gotten from my family growing up. I truly believe that everything is meant to be, but you must be awake enough to see the lessons.
Probably the hardest lessons we must learn is walking away from people we love knowing that person isn’t capable of change or giving you the love, you truly deserve. Some people don’t want to change, don’t want to wake up to a new reality. They like being dysfunctional, or they do not truly have the capacity or courage to change.
The walking away has become easier for me because I truly don’t mind being alone. One of the gifts of being an introvert is that you thrive in being alone. I know so many people that would rather be in a dysfunctional relationship then bearing alone time. And the great gift of being an awakened empath is that now am able to see them from a mile away and stay clear.
After several years of being divorced and dating, I’ve realized I am worthy of great love, caring love, passionate love, but I had to find all my demons and expose them, and with the help of the people who entered my life I was able to learn that valuable lesson.
We are entering a new paradigm of being in 2019. But’s that’s if you’ve done the work and let go of the old and learned the lessons the hard knocks have come to teach you. In order to birth a new beginning in 2019, you still have time in 2018 to let go with forgiveness, realizing all has happened to awaken you to a new way of seeing the world, a new way of being in the world.
If you look at the top 100 stressful life changes, you will be able to determine how much stress is in your life. Over the last few years, I’ve undergone many on the list, and my score is 553, which indicates I was due for some type of illness or breakdown.
However, I am not the type to breakdown. I externalize my stress. I get angry. Angry at the world. Angry at myself for not knowing better, for not doing better. I even get angry at God and the people in my life.
When you go through so much change over an extended period without let up, it begins to build up in your body. Many internalize this stress and become depressed or ill, others like me externalize it and get angry, which is a healthier alternative. Depression is merely anger turned inward.
Yes, there have been days I have been depressed, but I am a doer. I can’t sit still for very long, and I search for the answers. I am also open to looking deep into the ugly sides of myself which takes courage.
In order to get past the anger, I’ve had to realize that there are valuable life lessons along the rough and winding road I have taken. And that everything, even the bad things, happens for a reason. So, what have I learned?
In my career, I do not like to be a manager of people. That while I enjoy being part of a creative team, I would rather be a sole contributor. I am an introvert, and I must honor the INFP in me. If you haven’t already discovered your Myers Briggs personality type, please Google free Myers Briggs test. It will open your eyes to see how you view the world and how others view you.
In my love life, I was chasing men like my father and brother who totally ignored me as a child. So, what did I do, I found men who I had to chase and convince to love me. Until I woke up and realized the toxic relationship pattern, I would keep repeating it. In part, I must thank my brother for helping me to see this because he had to move in with me after having his own life issues and I saw first hand the toxicity.
I saw that he wasn’t capable of a loving relationship that I deserved from a brother, and I didn’t take that on as my fault anymore. How could a little girl be the cause of all the dysfunction in a family? They aren’t. I realized that I was lovable and deserved better than I had gotten from my family growing up. I truly believe that everything is meant to be, but you must be awake enough to see the lessons.
Probably the hardest lessons we must learn is walking away from people we love knowing that person isn’t capable of change or giving you the love, you truly deserve. Some people don’t want to change, don’t want to wake up to a new reality. They like being dysfunctional, or they do not truly have the capacity or courage to change.
The walking away has become easier for me because I truly don’t mind being alone. One of the gifts of being an introvert is that you thrive in being alone. I know so many people that would rather be in a dysfunctional relationship then bearing alone time. And the great gift of being an awakened empath is that now am able to see them from a mile away and stay clear.
After several years of being divorced and dating, I’ve realized I am worthy of great love, caring love, passionate love, but I had to find all my demons and expose them, and with the help of the people who entered my life I was able to learn that valuable lesson.
We are entering a new paradigm of being in 2019. But’s that’s if you’ve done the work and let go of the old and learned the lessons the hard knocks have come to teach you. In order to birth a new beginning in 2019, you still have time in 2018 to let go with forgiveness, realizing all has happened to awaken you to a new way of seeing the world, a new way of being in the world.
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