Sometimes You have to Get Lost To Find Yourself

It's Easter today and I am preparing a very nontraditional Easter dinner, BBQ ribs, and potato salad. I didn't attend church today, haven't joined a church here, because my stay here is merely temporary. However, it has proved a longer stay than I originally had planned. But sometimes you just have to let life be what it is in the now moment. And right now I don't have to make any major decisions.

I am still actively looking for a permanent job, but have a temporary job with the US Census that is allowing me to enjoy life in South Louisiana. I had boiled crawfish last week...and it sure was tasty!

Still, there is no permanency in my life, but I am finally able to accept that and be happy. However, my friends and family probably do not totally understand that. Sometimes not making a decision is the best decision someone can make.

While in Albuquerque, NM late last year, I decided to try acupuncture. I went to three sessions and it wasn't really making much of a difference in my hip pain, so I stopped going. But the experience did make a difference in my life. The acupuncturist had taken a similar path as mine years earlier and imparted his knowledge of his mid-life change onto me.

Rolando, originally from Jamaica, had dark skin, beautiful dreadlocks that hung to his shoulders and an engaging enough smile that made me feel at ease with him sticking needles into my skin for the first time. He had a calming, gentle way about him. Even when he had patients backed up in the waiting room, he never rushed anyone.

Working in a not-for-profit clinic, primarily serving those who could not afford medical care, he welcomed each of his patients with handshakes and intense eye contact. I wasn't sure if that was part of his diagnostic technique or just his way of greeting people.

He told all his patients if they couldn't afford the procedure he would still treat them, saying "pay what you feel you can afford." He proceeded with his examination. Apparently, the tongue tells a tale into a person's health, because I found myself sticking my tongue out quite a bit for Rolando to examine.

Talking with an island accent he told me he could tell from the condition of my tongue and energy level that I was completely exhausted. He asked what was going on and I told him I left New York City, my career, my life, and my friends to find my truth.

"Ah, I see," as if that told him everything he needed to know about me.

Before becoming a certified acupuncturist, Rolando was an engineering professor at Columbia University in New York City. He said he found himself not liking city life and wondering why the career he had chosen didn't make him happy. So like me, he moved to Albuquerque, without a clue what life was to bring.

"You aren't going to find the answers right away," he said. "I dropped out of life for over a year, played in a Reggae band. My friends all thought I was crazy."

He told me that sometimes what was needed was getting lost before you could actually be found. He said the more you try to figure it out, the less likely the answers will come. He said sit with the emptiness for a while and don't worry what everyone else thinks about you.

For someone who was always planning, scheming, and doing something, sitting empty has not been easy. Being in a temporary situation isn't that easy either. But I believe it's better than taking a job that isn't right for me.

I've looked into going back to graduate school to get my master's in creative writing, but I want to study abroad. However, it seems getting a student Visa these days isn't as easy as it used to be. You have to convince a foreign government that you won't become a financial burden while attending school there. In the UK, the new Tier 4 Visa restrictions only allow students to work 10 hours a week while attending full-time school, which isn't enough to support themselves. However, the good thing is grad school is only a year in the UK and European Union countries. Whereas in the United States it takes two years of study. So I am still doing research.

Many possibilities are floating out there in the Universe and where I end up coming Fall is going to be a roll of the dice. Sure I have plans and ultimate desires. But in wanting something, one has to let go of the outcome and let the Universe provide "the way."

Patiently planning and awaiting the magic and being happy in the meantime that's what I am doing. And like John Lennon said, "Life is what happens when we are busy making other plans." Boy, he sure did know what he was talking about. Life is in the now moment and we can't be so focused on the outcome that we miss the moments in between!

Just another day in paradise. I think I will go make myself a margarita and start making the potato salad.

Happy Easter everyone!