Feeling into Retirement

Getting used to not working at all was tough at first. At first, I didn’t know what to do with all this time I suddenly had on my hands, and it wasn’t just a long break this time. I wasn’t actively seeking employment or clients, which is what I have had to do my entire career. It seemed I spent most of my time hating my job and looking for another one that didn’t suck the life out of me.

And it wasn’t so much the job as the people at the job. Horrible, ego-driven, gossipy, hateful people. And I have to say, besides a handful of men, it was mostly women. Women are the worst to work with and for. A narcissistic female boss will suck the life out of you while making you feel lower than dirt, even though you know you are intelligent, skilled, and downright talented. And that is the problem. Narcissistic women are threatened by anyone whom they can’t control.

Holy shit, the wrath of Satan will be reigned down upon you should you speak your mind or offer a suggestion that somehow indicates to them that you may know better than they do. You might as well quit right then rather than stay around for the aftermath. I know I worked through the aftermath under several female Tasmanian devil bosses, the last one I imagined punching in the face every time I had to speak with her. Not kidding, she was the worst yet. And I’ve never been a violent person. She was so full of herself and so demeaning. When the contract ended, I celebrated. However, she was just the last of many I had to suffer during my career.

After more than 50 years of working for someone else or for clients, I finally decided late last year that I’ve had enough. And now, with the woke ideology having crept into every aspect of corporate life, I decided to retire, and all that comes with it. No one knows what it will mean until one retires. Until one knows what it actually feels like to have no longer to give their time and energy to something or someone else, they won’t know.

Retirement means no longer having to celebrate every ethnicity but your own, no longer having to see rainbow flags in every breakroom during Gay Pride month. What about family month, or white history month, or common sense month, or American Pride, or Veterans’ month?

Plus, with all the mergers, acquisitions, and buyouts, even working a part-time retail job began to suck. Equity firms have gobbled up most of the retail chains and have cut the staffing to the bone. All because they have to pay their investors or board members. There’s no more product research and development or reinvesting in the company. Nope, the CEOs have to buy that new yacht or new vacation home. They don’t give managers enough hours to man the store.  It didn’t used to be like that. Now, if you walk into any retail store as a customer, you’ll be hard-pressed to find anyone who can help you.

So, I got out. I got out of the proverbial rat race. I was done. After working Christmas retail with a trans woman and witnessing the upset after having heard it misgendered, that was really the last straw and a sign of the times. It’s only going to get worse. And at first, I half-heartedly sent out resumes, not really wanting to ever return to the work world.

So, I watched TV for a couple of months. I do love a British murder mystery, but that got old rather quickly. There are only so many ways and reasons to kill someone, and to make that infinitely interesting isn’t possible.

After a few months, I said I really do want to do something creative with all this time I have on my hands. After all, I am not a lazy person. Having had no children, I had no grandchildren to look after. So, I revisited the book about my journey of spiritual awakening I had begun a decade before, and I said to myself, “damn, this is quite good.” And it’s coming along day by day.

I am currently enrolled in several classes on memoir writing, podcasting, and YouTubing. I feel I have a unique perspective to contribute to the global conversation, though I’m still figuring out what that is. One thing I do know is that I will not return to the corporate world, where the treatment can be soul-crushing day to day.

I find inspiration and joy in baking and cooking. With my bread machine, I make whole-wheat oat bread and unique recipes that reflect my culinary creativity. I've also embraced the art of paint-by-numbers, and I'm currently bringing a beautiful French balcony to life with colorful gardenias.

As I figure out this new path, I find myself happier and more peaceful nowadays, instead of exhausted and frustrated. Here’s to full retirement and putting my own creations out in the Universe. May they bless all who find them.